I won't go into much detail for anonymity reasons, but I became aware of a family that had faced a very sad circumstance in their life. They were culturally very different from me. I had had some experience (and friendships) from people of that culture. However, those around me hadn't necessarily had the same. So, not everyone in my circle fully appreciated the family's reaction to their sad circumstance. When you broke down their reaction, the family's reaction is quite logical. Fully embracing it publicly could, at least in theory, involve the loss of face. Besides, as I discovered with the loss of my dad, mom and closest sibling in recent years, life and its grind and responsibilities do not stop just because you face hardship.
This is a personal study on codependence, addictive, behavior and human nature in general. Please follow me and feel free to share your experiences and ideas. Please feel free to visit my sponsors if you like what I write. While I'm not in it for the money, it would be nice one day to transition to full-time writing.
Sunday, January 16, 2022
Accepting people even when you don't fully understand or appreciate them.
I won't go into much detail for anonymity reasons, but I became aware of a family that had faced a very sad circumstance in their life. They were culturally very different from me. I had had some experience (and friendships) from people of that culture. However, those around me hadn't necessarily had the same. So, not everyone in my circle fully appreciated the family's reaction to their sad circumstance. When you broke down their reaction, the family's reaction is quite logical. Fully embracing it publicly could, at least in theory, involve the loss of face. Besides, as I discovered with the loss of my dad, mom and closest sibling in recent years, life and its grind and responsibilities do not stop just because you face hardship.
Friday, May 21, 2021
Controlling your life starts with controlling you
![](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0va4YNgj6_OyaJKQf8Wy3vJ8s-a0scD2VRr1zbWE4Vl1M5ReU3Mc0k6IMbiFZdNL_UJgmGhyphenhyphenkN-hfvaczTxfkeQfP9hKcIoO3_fdhoDw2HAhb4643H1oq5ulcdHvLsn5osVjivb0eKQEj/w398-h348/Cool+Text+-+To+control+others+is+to+have+powerto+control+yourself+is+to+know+384681905832528.png)
Had someone said control starts with you, I would have laughed at them. The idea of 'being in control' would have sounded utterly absurd to me. As previously mentioned, I didn't have control over what I could wear or what eat, the home in which I live in and its state of repair or disrepair. In my house, I didn't have control over the dysfunction--the yelling, the screaming, in some cases the domestic violence. On my person, I didn't have control over the sexual abuse that happened to me and the bullying in the neighborhood and at school. So, to me the idea to me that I controlled anything would have met with like a "yeah, right" type stare. Before I go on, I just want to state that I'm not focused on what I "didn't have" but am setting up a point. I do realize that I am still fortunate in some ways living in the wealthiest country in the world. But, I digress. I didn't realize it then, but I realize these days that in some ways I had much more control than I understood.
Let's move forward into my adulthood. I was always the 'peacemaker' which in some ways is another way of saying "approval seeker" or "people pleaser". I had started that role in my childhood and played that role in my adult life too. It didn't help that I developed a moderate to severe anxiety condition as a 17 year old and as such sought calm as a result. In any case, this desire for approval (or better yet to not be disliked) led me to not properly stand up for myself. I didn't stand up for myself as a kid and as a young adult I continued this pattern. In some ways, I let those closest to me continued to control me by using my need for approval and my need not to be disliked or unwanted. So, in some ways to me it felt like a progression from my childhood with the manipulation and being controlled that was part of needing acceptance.
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Despite having the sense of 'powerlessness' in my early years and my earlier adulthood, I believe I gradually have awakened to a different view or perspective of control (or power). I used to be view power or control as:
- Something that is given or allowed.
- Something we have to grab aggressively to gain.
- Necessarily involve or interact with that which is outside out.
- That which we can implicitly gain or earn.
- That which we can find within ourselves.
- It isn't necessarily something we are given or allowed, but what we own.
- When someone in your life tries to control you, to a large degree the control over you is what you allow or tolerate from them.
- Control doesn't need to be something achieved via threats over others. It is best achieved or earned by doing the right things for the right reason and therefore gaining authority or power with that role.
- You can't control how people treat you, but you can control your response. You can influence your outcomes positively with control of yourself.