This is a personal study on codependence, addictive, behavior and human nature in general. Please follow me and feel free to share your experiences and ideas. Please feel free to visit my sponsors if you like what I write. While I'm not in it for the money, it would be nice one day to transition to full-time writing.
I think I realize why when people turn old and start 'losing their mind' they say what appears to be inappropriate or off the wall stuff. I think they secretly always had the crazy thoughts just wanting to be said, but were too appropriate or proper to say them. As we know dementia and senility tend to destroy those filters. I figure why wait until I'm old and they slip out due to me losing my mind? So, here goes. Another establishment of the "The Insane Voice"
I was listening to the radio when a "Test of the Emergency Broadcast System" came on. There was the usual, disclaimer of "If this had been an actual emergency, instructions would have followed..." or something to that effect. So, it occurred to me what if they express what actually happens in some emergencies: "If this had been an actual emergency, chaos, tragedy, fighting, screaming, crying and dying would have followed". But then again, I thought that probably was too much truth in advertising.
After observing the family dog enjoying a coated "treat" left in the cat litter box a few times, I had an epiphany. We not make and market this sort of thing for our dogs as rewards for good behavior. It would be candy coated and I'd call it "Feces Pieces" in honor of the human version of it. The jingle would go, "Imagine Rover's surprise when he realizes that that candy coating really has **** inside." I'd probably be sued by Hershey for copyright infringement, but what they heck... Anyway, I'd make it in different flavor, dog doo flavor, coated kitty litter flavor,... **** = 'stuff' HA
So, you know around the time the show "Malcolm in the Middle" was showing on TV, I remembered seeing a commercial for "Malcolm X" to be played on a TV network. So, it occurred to me, "Why do those two have to be completely separate?" A new show could take form, "Malcolm X in the Middle". It could be Malcolm being an incendiary figure, fighting the establishment at night via the pulpit, the loud speaker, the news and through a hardcore following. However, during the day he'd be a WASPY sarcastic genius in a dysfunctional family mocking and commenting on the goings on in his life. The second variation of it could be Malcolm X and his WASP stepfamily planning Nation of Islam events and discussing Nation of Islam teaching all over a family formal dinner setting where it is intermixed with lighthearted discussion of the kids' day at school.
Anyone who knows me, knows that I love my Siamese cat. I imagine him and another Siamese cat singing "We are Siamese" in the style portrayed in Lady and the Tramp. I realize that will likely never happen. But if I had three wishes that might be one of them. But, alas, speaking of Simon. I believe every beloved pet should have a theme song. The one I tied to Simon, out of deference to his heritage, is "One Night in Bangkok" by Murray Head. I imagine rewriting the lyrics to include: "One Night in Bangkok makes a hard cat humble". Yes, pet owners, especially cat owners can be a strange breed.
And last but not least. I've been splitting time between two churches. My daughter likes Wednesday kid's church at my longtime church. But, she has not taken as well to Sunday services there with the change in staff. So, I tend to attend my new church on Sundays when I do have her. She seems to like it better and has a friend who attends as well. But, to the point. Today's sermon was a serious one that dealt with "Being a Neighbor" as it regards to dealing with people in today's society and how people identify sexually. I'll leave that discussion for another day. Anyway, having seen both Guardians of the Galaxy movies recently, I remembered "Hooked on a Feeling". I thought, hmm, that'd be the perfect theme music for this sermon to start playing on my phone. But, sigh, I let myself down again and let the moment pass. But, next time I won't.
I was reviewing some of the topics I've set aside to write on, but haven't and this one seemed appropriate with Valentine's Day coming up. I remember a time in the past in which my heart wanted a situation to work out which my head said it wouldn't. Yet my heart insisted that's what it wanted. Anyway, even though the situation would have been allowed, it wasn't for the best (age difference, different points) and probably would be frowned upon. Yet, I couldn't turn off my feelings just because maybe I knew it wasn't for the best and that society and those close might frown upon it. I know sometimes love or feelings bloom between two people who by virtue of social mores are not considered 'appropriate', but the fact remains that the feelings are there. I thought I'd written about how grief doesn't care about social expectations, but I don't see it now. I will either find it or write my thoughts on it. Like grief which occurs on its own terms, the heart doesn't care what's proper either. We love (or don't love) whom our heart tells us to. I'm going to divide this idea into three categories. -- We've seen the perfect couple on paper. They both are smart, nice looking, have a lot in common and they may eventually even get married. But, they seem to struggle, they drift apart and wake up one day realizing that they have nothing and perhaps they maybe never truly did. In some ways, the life of their relationship may have resembled my purchase of my 2004 Dodge Neon with the backstory below. Anyway, the selection of the 2004 Dodge Neon was like a relationship that looks great on paper and seems to meet one's needs, but is lacking that love or chemistry or feel. Just like I bought the 'practical' car which I ended up being blah about, people may 'buy' such relationships, but never have their heart truly 100% into it. -- In the meantime, we've seen couples that seemed very mismatched. One is much older, much more 'successful', much more 'attractive' (according to worldly standards), much different personality-wised, or some other such differences. Yet, there is deep love and connection between the two that defies convention or in some cases what society deems is best. Take the example of John Lennon and Yoko Ono. He was clearly magnitudes more talented than her musically. He was British by birth and she was Japanese by birth. They were raised in different religious backgrounds. Also, he was married to someone else at the time when they met. Furthermore, she was blamed for the breakup of the Beatles. On paper, they looked like a serious mismatch. Yet, by all accounts their relationship was the happiest point in John's life. His heart didn't care what was considered proper or what society approved of. His heart loved Yoko for Yoko. -- The third category is situations which are not considered appropriate due to age, ethical or other similar type considerations. We've seen this in various stories about inappropriate teacher/student, therapist/client, doctor/patient, police officer/criminal type, honors student/bad boy (or girl) 'relationships'. In these situations, there is a certain excitement with the forbidden. There is a certain chemistry each finds in the other, but there is usually a certain understanding between the parties that relationship is not terribly appropriate. Sometimes, the head screams "DISASTER" or "WRONG", but the heart says, "I LOVE" and it doesn't matter what our head tells us, our heart is pulled a certain way. ------------------------- The heart has this funny way of knowing what is important to it and gravitating towards it. The heart doesn't think to itself I know this relationship is wrong or right. Neither does the heart make a list of why a relationship is appropriate or not or fitting or not. The heart just tells us honestly what it feels. I'm not saying we should pursue what the heart tells us to, nor should necessarily mind it when it rejects. However, it is important that we not ignore our heart either. We do so at our own peril. If the heart isn't at least acknowledged, I believe it can ultimately bleed into our lives in an unhealthy way--drinking, gambling, drugs, acing out, etc. If the situation is not appropriate due to legal or ethical issues, it is important to deal what is driving the heart towards the situation instead of indulging it. If a situation does not have legal or ethical hurdles, it is important to explore whether the situation is healthy for us before pursuing it. If it is clearly unhealthy, yet you want to pursue it, it is important to address the underlying driver for that. If a situation doesn't appear to have ethical or legal problems and doesn't appear to be unhealthy, it is still important to be honest with yourself and ask yourself if your heart is into it or if it is just your mind telling you to pursue it. It is just as important to recognize and be honest with yourself what you are drawing (or trying to) from the relationship. In other words, are you in it for the right reasons. My final takeaway, acknowledge and address your heart, but don't let your heart run the show by itself. Similarly, while it is important to not let your mind clinically determine if a relationship is right for you, your mind should not ignored either. Many relationships run directly from the heart have lit the sky like a supernova only to collapse in disaster. While many that seem to be more subdued have grown to shine more over time as the couple really gets to know and appreciate each other. Don't let the heart rule, while the mind drools. But don't let mind dictate, while the heart waits. * Backstory of my 2004 Dodge Neon: I decided to replace my 1997 Ford Escort. I had previously owned a Dodge Shadow which I was comfortable with and was looking for something similar. In doing a little research, I found that the Dodge Neon was a follow-up to the Dodge Shadow with better performance. So, to me, it seemed like a practical and reasonable choice. On paper the price and specs seemed to right for my needs, but when I test drove it, it didn't feel quite right. I figured it was because I was used to my Ford Escort and that in time I'd get used to it my new car. The funny thing is that I never did get used to it and when I rented another car a couple years later, I liked the rental better. Eventually I got rid of the Neon for a car like the rental. Just like two people who match well on paper, the Neon and I seemed like a great fit, but in the real world, I never felt it. If you like this post try the following:
If you've read my blog,
I have a lighter side. However, I'm can be a deep thinker and a very
serious person, sometimes needing to lighten up I think. So, it's about
time for blog about humor. So, I have a bit of a devious mind. In
other words, my mind sometimes stumbles upon the inappropriate or 'impolite'
from time to time. As I have gotten older, I tend to speak more
freely--perhaps I get tired of filtering--what I'm thinking and as a result my
daughter (and now my stepfamily) are treated to nuggets of brilliance.
Sometimes, they laugh, sometimes they shake their head, and sometimes
they pretend like they don't know me. I say, genius is often
unappreciated, sigh! But, I digress.
In between doing the
parental griping about them not listening and badgering them to listen, I try
to be sometime playful or express a sense of humor. I remember my dad,
God rest his soul, was Mr. Super Serious parent and I was very inhibited what I
said around him as a result. So, besides making a vow not to repeat his
'mistakes' in parenting--instead making my own new ones, I vowed to be more
accessible to my kids. Part of that accessibility was trying to
understand them where they are.
I remember sometimes as
a kid, thinking and saying inappropriate
thoughts--sometimes related to my gender and anatomy--as little boys are apt to
do. I won't expand upon that. Those who were once little boys or
who have heard some of the talk they do will understand what I mean 😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊.
So, I know kids have devious thoughts. Adults do too at times, but
we learn to better pretend we don't. Anyway, in the course of wanting to
be more accessible, I have expressed a simple concept to them.
We know human nature is
such that we aren't perfect. We know that we have 'inappropriate'
thoughts float around from time to time. Some of them we learn from our
family, some from siblings and some just our own 'creative brilliance'. I
expressed to my daughter when she was old enough (and later my stepson), that I
understand this happens from time to time. Even among the 'angelic' kids,
I believe this happens. But, I digress. I told them as this happens
from time to time, it is not necessarily wrong having a 'devious' thought, but
how you handle it can make it wrong. So, here are my thoughts on
thoughts...
Some thoughts are very destructive and as such should
not be ever mentioned. In fact, you should do what you can to change
your focus should your mind dwell in that territory. Obviously,
wishing death upon someone is an example of such a thought. I
explained to my daughter that 9/11 was a result of hateful thoughts that
were encouraged to grow and grow and lead to hateful and deadly actions.
Some thoughts are rude. Should you 'have to'
express them to get them out of your system, they should be mentioned in
private and only to only your most trusted confidant(s). An example
of this is 'locker room talk'. I told my stepson I expected that
boys talk about inappropriate boy matters from time to time and girls may
do the same. I expressed while it is not really appropriate to talk
like that, that it is especially inappropriate to express such thoughts in
the presence of mixed company. I said, I understand that your
curiosity and amusement get the best of you, but that you shouldn't focus
on such thoughts when they cross your mind.
Some thoughts are slightly inappropriate. Potty
talk is one. Like when I referred to passing gas a 'stinky
surprise', they thought it was funny. In small doses, things like
this I believe are no big deal and more so of an 'eye-roll' or 'honey
don't encourage them' moment. I believe in limited exposure cracks
like these are pretty harmless. Obviously, if you are talking to an
officer when getting a ticket, your teacher during class or you are around
someone who is easily offended, you should avoid expressing such thoughts.
Some thoughts are just silly and can work to lighten
the room. Like recently at a cub scout meeting I attended, one of
the presenters asked if anyone had a question. One of the little
bundles of joy said, "Yeah, what is 1 + 1". The kids
giggled, his parent slightly scolded him and the other adults just smiled
and laughed. To me this is a light-hearted moment which is safe to
share in most situations. Obviously, there are limits to even the
most goofy, lighthearted moments, but the world needs humor. So, humor like this is warming.
So, when I first brought
this up to my daughter, I 'tested' her about various circumstances and who you
should share your thoughts with.
I said if the Governor or President rolls by your
school to make a speech and you are bored, should you say, "BORING!"?
Or if he/she asked if anyone has a question and you are hungry,
should you ask, "Are you finished now, I'm hungry?" when called
upon. She focused on the mental picture I presented and giggled at
the thought and of course answered "No". (I wondered if I
presented a bad idea to her. :^). Anyway, I said this is an
example of something you might say later to a trusted friend that you had
wanted say or ask. It could be something that you express in the privacy
of home, letting a parent know that you were starving. I pointed out
that beyond being rude to the speaker, it would get you in a lot of
trouble. So, bad idea.
I said if you thought someone was really strange
looking would that be appropriate to express. She said “no”.
I said, if you felt like it was bothering you too much, you might
mention it to a parent later and talk about it.
I said if your friend was talking about something silly
like passing gas would it be okay? She said it likely would be.
But, I said, to a close a friend maybe, but not everyone would think
that was funny or appropriate.
I said if you had goofy where moment on vacation when
you were out, would that be okay to express openly when sharing what you
did during the summer to your class. She thought would probably be
okay. Other kids might relate, I
can see that.
I said would it be okay to say hateful things to a
classmate if you were thinking them after he/she were rude. Of
course, she said no. I said this might be a thought you might
express to a counselor about how you are feeling.
The point of that
discussion with my daughter (and later my stepson) was that it's okay to have a
sense of humor, even to have a devious thought pass though your mind as that
happens from time to time. But, that just because you have a thought,
doesn't mean you should express it. In other words, it is important to
think about if there is a right, time, place or audience to express the
thought.
--
As a quick aside. I remember in previous relationship watching Extreme Home Makeover with my significant other. Anyway, that episode included making over a house for a middle-aged woman with a brittle bone condition. So, of course they did a knockout job of fitting the house for her and congratulating themselves on a job well done. They all stretched out one arm and placed their palms on top of each other in the center and did a cheer tossing their arm up and away from the center. So, in a moment of an 'ate-up' thought, I imagined when they tossed their arms up and outward that they accidently knocked the lady's wheelchair over, breaking her bones. While I was laughing at the train-wreck of a thought that had popped into my mind, my so and so pressed me for what was so funny. I warned her a few times that she wasn't going to like it, but she insisted on hearing what was amusing me. So, of course I told her and she acted 'appalled'. I'm like, "I can't help it" and "you asked". But, you know men are from Mars, women are from Venus.
And that as the late Paul Harvey used to say, is the "Rest of the story".
