Life: A Highwire Act

I was talking with a coworker today about my mornings when I have my daughter and need to drop her off before work.  One thing she noted was that she has a checklist of things she needs to do before the kids are out the door and to where they need to be.  I too  have a mental checklist of things I need to do:

• Make sure she's awake and stays awake.
• Make sure she takes a shower if necessary and gets dressed.
• Make sure she takes her medicine
• Make sure she has breakfast or knows where she can get it--packing it if we are short on time.
• Take a shower and get ready and get dressed.
• Feed my cat his medicine
• Pack myself and her a lunch.
• Feed my cat his medicine.
• Make sure her backpack is packed and whatever needs signed is signed.
• Make sure I have everything I need.
• Make sure everything we need is taken out to the car.
• Kiss the wife goodbye and say bye to the kids if they are awake.

I'm sure I'm probably forgetting something, but I have to do all that in roughly about an hour.   That's just one part of my regular routine and by the time I drop her off, making it in about 80 minutes after I left, I feel worn out.   Suffice to say, I have to keep track of a number of things and make sure to stay focused.

Sometimes my wife is wide awake for this and sometimes she's resting.  I have such a routine going where everything is done in the same order.   If she's awake she sometimes tries to ask me if  I remember this or that.  Sometimes it's okay and sometimes I tell her, don't worry I'll let you know if I need help.  It might come across as being an ingrate or being brushed off, but I finally found the words to communicate what it is like in the morning to my wife.

Mornings are like a high-wire act.  I take one step at a time going from one end of the wire to the other end--that is to say I methodically check items off my checklist from the moment I wake up to the moment I start my commute.  I'm very focused an on task, but very intense, just like someone who would be crossing the high-wire.  Sometimes, when she intervenes, it breaks my rhythm.  I forget my place and have to readjust.   Just like if I was on a hire-wire and out of nowhere a person appeared in front of me on the other side.  It could startle me for a moment enough to throw off my balance.  I would quickly have to readjust, factor in the person on the other side and continue my progression to the other side.

So, if your significant other seems to 'reject' your help, especially in crunch situations, don't necessarily take it personally.  He or she just might have their own of coping with the situation.  Maybe after he or she has had time to exhale they can explain.  Perhaps if he or she realizes that the situation is hopelessly beyond their control they will know to reach out for hope.  Just my thoughts and realizations for the day.

Thanks for reading.

Reel Life: Scenes from life's movie.

I'm sure this is a common feeling, especially among people as their years start to add up.  But, sometimes I feel like life's a movie.  Yes, I know I've heard "Life's a Dance", but with all due respect to John Michael Montgomery, I'm right, not him.  But, I digress.  Life's a movie that we are releasing scene by scene.  As we live out our life, the 'audience'--which includes us--is seeing that section of the movie for the first time.  Our memories and reflections effectively are scenes from previous parts of the movie.  We may be able to somewhat anticipate the next set of scenes in the movie just like we can plan and anticipate our future.  However, just as in a movie, life is full of unanticipated plot twists and unexpected turns.  Just like the protagonist in a movie, we are usually able to overcome or face the plot twists and turns.   However, just like sometimes protagonists in a movie don't always survive the plot twist and turns, sometimes we are not able to effectively overcome the blows life deals.

But just like a movie that is playing out at the theaters

• We usually do not get to redo or 'correct' a scene that we don't like in the movie.
• Rarely is the movie paused to allow us to fully digest the portions of it which have passed.
• If we are distracted or have to take a "break", we risk missing important parts of the movie and ruining the experience.
• If we focus too much on thinking about or discussing the scenes that have passed, we risk missing important parts of the movie and ruining the experience.

It's not that we can't consider life as it goes along or reflect upon certain points in it as we continue to move forward.  We can think about the past, we can reflect upon it and we can perhaps wish to experience certain "scenes" over again or to change certain them.  However, life doesn't usually afford us the opportunity to stay parked in the past without the risk of ruining or missing the future.  If we stay stuck and/or descend into a spiral downwards in our lives, we risk life's reel getting stuck and damaging the 'movie'.  In the worst case scenario, we risk life's reel getting completely destroyed or rendered unusable.  Sometimes if we don't like the 'scenes' that have played out so far or are not liking the direction it is taking, we may actually try to sabotage or destroy the movie, just like we try to do so in our life.

So, what do we do?

• If we don't like the direction the movie is taking, we consider the possibility of an alternative story-line for the rest of the movie, rather than just going along a predictable story-line.
• If we do like the story-line, we must understand that the story-line may look predictable, but be aware that it can change and not always by our choice.  In other words, we must be prepared to accept that the story-line may go in a different direction and adjust accordingly.
• We must realize that no matter how far along we are in the movie, as long as the reel hasn't run its course, we still have time to change the remaining frames or scenes in the movie. In other words, as long as there are still frames to show, we can change the ending.
• We must accept that the movie WILL end sometime, but be focused on making the best movie experience possible and not necessary the longest one.
• We must be aware that our movie may spawn sequels or reboots.  i.e., progeny, proteges or followers.  Therefore, in the interest of quality sequels or reboots, we should make the best 'original' movie possible.  

A good movie like a good life, has the following elements:
- Moments of joy
- Moments of sadness
- Moments of somber reflection
- Moments of laughter
- A purpose and theme, hopefully a positive one.

- Lessons to be learned and passed on.

Though the opening scenes in life's movie may not be what we would have for, but we have some influence over the ending credits. So take the time and appreciate life's movie, but be aware that even if the movie doesn't start out well that if we put on the best movie possible, the ending credits will speak for themselves.

The Regret Puzzle: Proper to mourn mistakes, but not to live in them.

I was talking to a friend one day and I finally was able to put into an easy to understand way, why it is foolish to  "what if" think.   What I came up with is effectively a cousin of the butterfly effect.   I will call it the "regret puzzle".

In the "regret puzzle", one lives their life with "what if" thinking.  What if I had not made this bad choice or that bad choice?  Presume that you know it was a bad choice and also presume that you could go back in time and change that choice to a better choice.  If it is a decision or choice of any importance, it will likely chance the trajectory of your life is some way.  In other words, it would change the possible decisions you make in the future and/or the outcome thereof.  Now imagine each decision you make/outcome 'you choose' is a puzzle piece.   If you change the shape of that puzzle piece, it will necessarily effect the puzzle pieces--decisions/choices/outcomes--surrounding it.   One has no way of knowing how a decision today will alter a decision/outcome tomorrow.  Typically, we assume those surrounding decisions/outcomes will be either unaffected or better, but there is no way of knowing for sure.  Hence, while it is proper to mourn bad choices or decisions, it is doubly pointless to live with regret and 'what if' thinking surrounding them.    Not only can we not go back and 'fix' mistakes in the past, we don't even know how it would affect surrounding choices/decisions/outcomes.

Seeing this has helped me not to live in my poor choices/mistakes.