Losing everything else, but keeping ourselves

In a previous blog entry, The Fine Line: Failure takes no effort, success takes a lot of work, I observed that failure is a essentially a default position.  That is to say, failure comes 'naturally' by effectively doing nothing.  Success typically takes a lot of effort.

It occurs to me that a corollary of that point is in this life, if we live long enough, we face profound loss.  Loss is hard to avoid.  Also, even when we gain, it is usually temporary.  Even the 'permanent' gains can lose some of their edge.  In other words, there is always a degree of loss, even profound loss.  However, we don't have to be lost.

I will go over my concept--losing everything else, but keeping ourselves--and give what I see as a backstop to looking at life as hopeless.  First, losing.  On our travels through life many things pass. These are just a few of them:

• Most people when they are born, spend a lot of time around one or both parents.  We get the attention and love, warmth, the security, the attention of them.  In time, as kids get older, their parents realize that they can't just hold onto their 'little one' forever.  They must allow their little angel to fly.  From the perspective of a kid, it is gaining their freedom.  From the perspective of a parent it is the loss of sharing joy and love with their child.
• People come and go in our lives.  It is hard to lose someone we thought was our friend.  Sometimes, it is in a dramatic destructive fashion. Sometimes, people just drift apart. Other times, they just stop reaching out or back to us and we don't know why.  Even when it is not a dramatic exit, it the sense of loss is still present when friends just move away or fade out.
• Loved ones pass away.  It can be the loss of those very close such as close family or friends.  It could be a friendly familiar face.  It could be a beloved fixture in the background we never got to meet such as Carrie Fisher.  Regardless, a passing still has a sting to it.
• Our youth, our energy, our health fades.  The carefree nature of youth is lost to adult problems to where we miss the romanticized version of our youth.

These things, if we let them, can make our glass seem half-full or less.  These things can make us seem like we've lost more than we've gained or have.  But, I have learned in a much less dramatic fashion than Job, Anne Frank, or MLK that there is one thing that we can only lose--and therefore feel lost--if we choose to give it away or let it go.  That one thing is OURSELVES.

We can lose a lot in our lives, but we won't lose ourselves and be lost if:

• We keep our self-respect and dignity.
• We keep our honor.
• We keep our basic sense of fairness and decency.
• We keep our sense of who we are (our roles).
• We keep our faith and purpose.
• But most of all we keep our relationship between us and God (our Higher Power). All else flows from this.

So, let this world and this life try to keep us down.  Let this world and this life try and defeat us. We can lose everything, but we are only truly defeated and lost if we lose ourselves.  

* If you like this blog post, I think you'll like:
Always darkest before the dawn: Cleaning requires a bigger mess first

In the spirit of a man who lost everything (his life), but did not lose it all.  MLK kept his pride...

Fear of losing or failure that keeps us in bondage.

When I wrote this on 8/10/15, I was reading an article online about a guy who got fed up with Michael Brown first anniversary protesters  who were blocking the highway on I70 into St. Charles, MO.  He just slowly drove through, carrying a few protesters with him until they were sensible enough to jump off the car and get out of the way.  I said that if a few more people would do that, that traffic would quickly clear.   Regarding that story, one commentator said, "One tried[to push through]. They kicked in his van doors. He made it through. Probably not worth the cost."  Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't?  However, the driver had a conviction in his heart.  He wasn't trying to mow down the protesters.  I sincerely doubt it.  I believe he was like why are you mistreating me, disrespecting my need to go home to my family and take care of my needs at home?  I believe it was a move of disgust.  More or less he was saying, look, you are aiming at the wrong target.  If you do not like policies, do not attack the people who are just trying to earn a living and get by,  Instead protest those who are responsible for deciding/enforcing policies.

My thought was the protesters were purposely creating an injustice to protest what they saw as an injustice.  I thought, you know, the guy who moved through the protesters, whether wise or not, had taken a stand.  He was brave.  He could have just accepted the disrespect of blocking him and his need to get where he was going, but he choose not to.  It got me to thinking that perhaps most people aren't willing to take a chance, accept a risk as they feel like they have 'too much to lose'.

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Most people spend their lives working hard to build up things for ourselves.

• Career
• Savings/Investments
• Property - Auto/Home/Electronics/Other Items
• Family relationships
• Friendships

We remember how long and how much effort it takes to build each of those.  Though we don't like to admit it, we know on a certain level how hard it is to keep what we've build.  They take plenty of time, plenty of nurturing, plenty of devotion.

For most people, there is a time in their life in which one or more of these things are threatened.   We react in what we perceive is the rationale or 'sensible' way to protect that which we have built.  Most of the time, we are probably right.   However, there is a time and a place to let go.

A few examples:

• Letting go of unhealthy relationships that are there out of convenience or just for show.
• Letting go of property you can't maintain.
• Letting go of a job or career which is causing you to sacrifice too much of yourself--up to and including your principles.
• Letting go of a little bit of money to help another in need.
• Letting go of a fear of being criticized/ostracized/harmed for standing up for your principles.

I think there are times in which we are so afraid to lose too much or even everything, that we do not do or say what we need to do.  That is out of fear, we stay silent and don't stand up for what is right.  I haven't conquered fear completely, but I used to live in fear.  Fear of losing everything.  When I did actually lost everything, I realized that I didn't die.  I realized that it was actually freeing.  I was free of the bondage of trying to hold onto everything.  I started speaking my mind more freely.  I started to think outside the box more, I started to consider things more from a point of what is the best or right thing to do vs. what is best for me.

I still have points in which I wish I could be more brave, but it's a process.  It's a process that requires a strengthening and reaffirmation of faith.  It requires us to see things through His eyes, not our own.  I am far from that point and God never expects us to be perfect, but He wants us to strive to be more like he is more Christlike.  I obviously speak of this from a Christian faith, but my brethren of different faith can adapt this same idea to their own I think.

I'm not suggesting that we just recklessly stand up for what is important to us.  Just like you don't take a butcher's knife out to make a make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, you don't make a big stand at the wrong time.  From what I see, it is more of a mindset.  The mindset that when the time is right, you have to be willing to let go and put what is right over what is convenient even when the cost seems prohibitive.