Freedom: Part 1: Freedom At Last

Ever hear a song that you haven't heard in a while and for whatever reason it sticks in your mind for a while?   I don't know if it is an earworm at play, suddenly getting the meaning of it aka "really hearing it for the first time" or just the song having a meaning now that it didn't have when you previously had heard it.  I have Sirius XM and they change up some of the channels from time to time.  Recently, they made one of their channels to be the "George Michael" channel.  Whatever demons he had, he was a very talented singer and songwriter and I've always appreciated that.

Anyway, I heard his version of "Freedom" he wrote as part of Wham.  So, it got me to thinking what exactly is freedom?  Can something seem like freedom but is really a prison of sorts?  So, I pondered those two questions/thoughts as well as others and here is what I came up with.

THOUGHTS/DEFINITIONS OF FREEDOM

• The ability to make your own choices/decisions (as opposed to being controlled or pressured to do something different).
• That can mean not having to make a choice.
• That can mean making a choice which you otherwise might not be able to.
• Control can come from an outside source (others).
• Control can come from an internal source (our hangups).
• The can mean not being held back by ourselves/others.

• The ability to be yourself or express yourself without recrimination or at least fear of the consequences of doing so.
• Worrying less about what others think as we get older.
• Often due to confidence gained from experience.
• Often from contempt about being told 'what to okay to do or think', especially when it comes from those with much less life experience.
• Often due to fatigue of expending the energy trying to worry about what others think.
•  The ability to set better set aside or let go of worry about what others think.
• Realization that you can't control what others think.
• Realization that letting what others think gets in the way of being yourself can be harmful or toxic.
• Realization that you'll never be able to please everyone, so you might as well be true to yourself.
• Realization that life is too short and some things are just too important to let others dictate or overly influence you.
• How we raise our children is a great example of this.  While we can heed what others say or take it into account.  We can't let others dictate how we parent.  Being paralyzed by what others think can get in the way of effective parenting.

• Not having to rely on another.
• For our material needs.
• For our contentment or happiness
• For our sense of purpose or being. 

• Not having 'report' to another.
• Could be an employer
• Could be a parent or adult or someone who is in charge of you.
• Could be a mate.

• Nothing left to hold onto/nothing left to lose.  This one I will explore in another blog post.

• Really just an illusion.
• We always have someone we need to report to
• Even a business owner will have to 'report' to his or has to answer to clients or potential clients.
• Every year on our around April 15th-and for some more often-people have to report to the IRS.  
• In our modern society, we will always have to rely on others. Examples include
• Not everyone can raise their own livestock or farm for feed needs.
• We don't have the ability to maintain or fix the roads we travel on in most cases.
•  Freedom is rarely free
• Each Memorial, Veteran's and Independence Day, we are reminded of the cost of fighting to achieve and retain our freedoms (life and death struggle).
• Often we have to give up something to gain freedom.
• Dying gives us freedom from pain and suffering
• Lonliness and alienation from some of those around us can be the cost of freedom from a 'bad relationship'.
• Financial hardship can result from being separated from a soul-sucking job.

Let's break some points down a little further.

Freedom From Control

•  I think when mot people think of freedom, they think of not having to answer to someone or not having someone try to control you in some way.  That's easy to spot.  What is harder to spot is when is when you are in your own prison.  That is where you are beholden to your own demons or hang-ups.  

Freedom Is Being Yourself

•  I believe history is littered with people who felt imprisoned to expectations of those close to them and society in general.  Whether we feel we cannot choose whom we couple with, what we should do with our lives, what we are allowed to think or express, or something else along those lines, being imprisoned to the expectations of others is hard on the soul.  Back in the day,  I've always been a very sensitive person and in some regards in the era I grew up in that was frowned upon as a guy.   I felt like there was a pressure to be 'macho' and not show 'weakness' or especially sensitivity.  The later for a guy was interpreted by some as a sign of homosexuality or at least being a 'sissy'.  I never saw and still don't see those things in myself, but as a teen wanting acceptance, I certainly didn't want to be pegged anything like that.   I liked what I liked.  I liked 'Wham!' and I think to a large extent people 'knew' George Michaels was gay.   I knew it wasn't the most macho music for a guy to listen to, but I liked it, but didn't brag about that.  I have realized over time that the fact that I like it was all that was important.  It didn't matter if it didn't fit the stereotype of 'dude' music.  It didn't matter if people mocked them (and by proxy) guys who might like it.  None of that mattered.  I like what I like and if others have a problem with it, well I might not be accepted, but if that's the price of acceptance, it's not worth it.   But as a guy with a very sensitive side, I knew I had to 'keep it hidden'.   Anyway, the freedom to be yourself is either the actually when you aren't criticized for being who you are OR it is the ability to move past caring or at least getting paralyzed by what others think. 

Freedom Is A Prison

• You want to give up drinking, smoking, gambling, etc.   However, your spirit is trapped in rut where you feel compelled to feed your hang-ups.  As I alluded to earlier, this can be a prison of sorts rather than 'freedom'.  You may be old enough to engage in self-destructive and addictive behavior and you may even celebrate your 'freedom' to engage in certain behaviors.  But, in time what seemed like freedom really is imprisonment to your own demons.

Freedom Can Have A Cost

• Like most things that matter in life, there is cost. To live a comfortable life, we typically have to work hard and sometimes long hours.  To do the best for our kids, we often have to sacrifice or set aside our own needs or wants.  Freedom is no different.  We may not have to go to the front line and put our life on the line, to ensure our (and others') freedom, but there is usually a cost.   If we are okay with being single, we may not have to 'answer to' a mate, but we may feel lonliness at times and we may give up the chance for a love connection.  We may be away from a toxic job that was hurting us mentally and/or spiritually, but it may come at a cost of a lifestyle we are used to.  We want the freedom to afford to travel where we want, but we have to sacrifice a lot of time on hard work to afford us the opportunity.  We have a 1st Amendment to speak our mind, we may not go to prison, but it can cost us things like our job and our friends.  There are countless examples, but the point is clear.  Freedom is not free.

There are many other possible takes on freedom I'm sure, but these are the ones that stand out to me.  As I think freedom means nothing left to lose needs a more of a treatment, I will leave that for later, but I think this covers a lot of ground.

Just my thought and I hope some of my takes get my readers to think about it.  Maybe come up with their own definitions and perhaps come up with a different take.  In any case, as I am ending this blog, feel free to spend your time on other things.  Maybe feel free to look at other blog posts.

Cheers,

Rich

Anakin was an Addict: From At-Risk to Full-Blown Addict to Recovery

I spent a lot of time last Fall (2018) camping with my stepson and his den-leader mom.  So, naturally, I got to see first hand the emotions and behaviors of preteen and single digit age boys.  Each kid has their own angst, drama, concerns and/or things that make them tick.   For one kid it might be the worry about being excluded, for another it might be body image issues, for another it might be proving that he is 'macho' enough.   In any case, as with all kids and boys specifically they each have their concerns and which can get elevated to fear or anxiety.

So, as my mind is apt to wonder, I got to thinking about another young lad, in a galaxy far, far away.  His name was Anakin Skywalker.   In some ways, he was a typical young man, but in other ways not so much.   He was an at-risk young man who ultimately fell victim to his inner demons, becoming an addict.  Unfortunately, as is the case with addiction, he wasn't the only victim.  In fact, in the Star Wars world, his addiction led to an untold number of victims.

From what I see here is his progression:

At-Risk Adolescent

• He was born into slavery.   Not only did he have to mind his mom, but ultimately, he had to mind their master.  In other words, he had little control or say.
• When he won his freedom, with the help of Obi-Wan, he was not able to win the freedom of his mom.  Once again, little control.  He was happy to have his freedom, but he took on a greater fear too.
• Upon winning his freedom and going with Obi-Wan, he was thrust into a galactic conflict.  As a matter of fact, once Obi-Wan crossed his path, he probably lost his ability to stay out of the conflict.  Definitely once they ran across Darth Maul, he was destined to be part of the conflict.  In other words, he lost his ability to stay neutral.  That is he lost control again.
• When Senator Palpatine aka "The Emperor" took a strong interest in him, he was effectively, unbeknownst to others, in the sights of a predator.  Effectively, the Senator was in a position to 'groom' Anakin towards the Dark Side.  This is yet another degree of control he had unknowingly lost.

Transition or Turning Point(s)

• He had visions of his mom's suffering.  This tormented him and helped feed his feeling of helpless.  These visions helped him from being at risk and an impending addict.
• When he was finally in a position to address his mom's situation, he discovered that she was in trouble.  Furthermore, he eventually discovered that he was too late to help her.  Her fate had been sealed.  His fear was fully realized and his anger was engaged.  His addiction to anger and power had finally started to be engaged.   
• While he had wished for power (control), he had accepted that he did not have it or shouldn't try to seize it.   Seeing his mom tortured and left to die at the hands of the sand people pushed him over the edge for the first time.  He engaged his anger addiction, a prelude to his addiction for power (control).
• It wasn't just those who abused his mom that suffered as a result, but it was the innocents among them that faced his wrath.   He not only killed the warriors responsible, but he wiped out the whole village of Sand People.  It this point, he was on a collision course with his anger addiction.
• Senator Palpatine reveals to Anakin his knowledge of The Dark Side and later that he is a Sith Lord.  He first reveals to Anankin the legend of Darth Plageuis, who supposedly could cheat death of those he cared about.  This fed right into Anakin's desire to protect Padme from dying, unlike that which he didn't with his own mom.

Full-Blown Addict

• After Anakin informed Windu and three other members of the Jedi Council of Palpatine's true identity, they come to arrest the Senator.  Palpatine quickly dispatches the other three and engages Windu.  Windu gets the upper hand and when Anakin arrives he pleads with him to spare Palpatine.  When it is clear Windu will not.  Anakin panics striking Windu to leave him helpless and Palpatine dispenses with him.
• Anakin's fear got the best of him.  He is afraid with Palpatine's death will come his inability to protect and save Padme.  In a moment of weakness, he 'acts out' and helps the Sith Lord.
• Gripped by what he has done and that he effectively chosen sides he takes his place as Palpatine's apprentice, that is of a young Sith Lord loyal to his Sith Master, becoming Darth Vader.
• Anakin is compelled then to destroy the Jedi with a contingent, including attacking the Temple and slaughtering all including the younglings.  His conversion is complete.  He not only protected the Emperor, but is doing his bidding.  He is effectively going on bender like a full-blown addict, embracing his role as Darth Vader.
• Anakin takes his place besides the Emperor, ruling the galaxy with an iron hand and wiping out those who pose a threat.

Recovery

• Anakin (aka Darth Vader) throughout Episodes IV to VI is forced to confront his who he has become.  He is forced to face that fact that he has turned his back on his offspring.
• As he confronts his son Luke, he hesitates for a moment.   He still fights his son, but it is becoming increasingly clear that he is conflicted.  Even the Emperor senses that and goads him to prove his loyalty to him.
• In the climax the Emperor gets a hold of Luke and is in the process of destroying him with his Force Lightening.  After hesitation, Dark Vader, once again become a 'good guy' again.  He takes Emperor Palpatine and tosses him to his apparent death, redeeming himself.  
• Effectively in a moment, Anakin has began the road to recovery.
• He died shortly thereafter, and as evidenced by his showing up as a Force Ghost, his recovery and redemption was complete.

I believe each of us has a story within us.  Few as profound as the life and time and the path of Anakin Skywalker, but nontheless,  we have our moments in time, our path.   I believe we have our times in which we are disposed to make bad choices, a turning point in which we are poised make a bad choice or two or many, a decision or push to make those bad choices and an opportunity for redemption.   For most people, the path is not that severe.  For many it is a small path.  But, for some it is a big path which encompasses our lives.

Each of us has our own inner Anakin.  Invariably we will make a bad choice or two or two dozen or so.   However, what ultimately determines who we are in not necessarily the bad choices we make, but how we choose to redeem ourselves.   Do we choose to go along the bad path or to right ourselves.  We can have others guide us along the way, but only we can make the final decision.

Just some thoughts and my 200th blog post.

- Rich

Making good choices for yourself--not just for God or others

I learned a valuable lesson back in 2006 when I lost around 50 pounds.  Choosing to do what's best for you has to be a personal choice in order for you to best implement or stick with it.  My personal choice happened by 'accident'.  I hadn't been happy with my weight for a long time and I tagged along with my daughter's mom when she hired a personal trainer at the gym.  The trainer was actually very cool and didn't mind me working out along side her.  Anyway, in the process, I'd started running again and I started losing weight.  Once I dipped below 200lbs, it was like a light bulb went off.  I realize that I could really lose a significant amount of weight with exercise and diet choices.  In other words, I'd personalized the steps necessary to lose the weight.  I'd been teased about putting on the weight and I'd been told by my physician that I could stand to lose some weight.  Heck I remembered that the Bible even exhorts us to remember that our "body are a temple", which can be interpreted to include keeping ourselves fit or in shape.

Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;  1 Corinthian 6:19

Yes, despite wishing I could weigh less, teasing, my doctor's encouragement, and even biblical reference to respecting my body, I could not be moved to do what I needed to.  It was only when I embraced the choice to lose weight and become more fit that I actually did it successfully.

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Part of the equation of losing weight was to realize that I couldn't just deny all 'bad foods'.  I realized doing so would just put me in a mindset that I was 'depriving' myself and in a weak moment that I would binge on junk food.  Once again, if I tried to avoid all 'junk food' at all cost because I was 'supposed to', I would fail.  I knew I could not embrace a total ban on junk food, so I did the next best thing, limit and replace--limit servings & proportions and replace with a 'less bad' choice when possible.  Once again, in order for me to be most successful in my weight loss, I had to embrace a wise choice.

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I've come to see in myself and others around who have struggled at times with making the best choices and/or addictive behavior, that only we will make the best choices only when we are ready to.  It can be frustrating or upsetting for those close to or who live with such a person.  But, they have to be aware that it is rarely about them, but instead about the one who is struggling.  The person struggling with bad and/or addictive choices often times doesn't always feel like they are in control.  Shaming the person might work for a little bit, invoking or pointing out their religious beliefs (Christianity) might work for a little bit and even getting someone else to intervene for a bit might help, but ultimately the person has to be ready.  

It doesn't matter how much an addict loves his family, friends, God, etc.,  If he or she tries to 'sober up' strictly for any of them, he or she will likely fail.  If he or she on the other hand wants to 'sober up' because they don't like that aspect of their life and they are ready, then they have the best chance to succeed.  As a secondary motivation love of family and friends and love and obedience to God are wonderful, but it has to start with the addict.

Perhaps the biggest revelation on the matter occurred regarding my faith.  As a Christian, I used to expect that I should be perfect and I would beat myself up for being flawed, making mistakes and falling short.  Eventually, after so many failures, I became discouraged that I couldn't be a 'good enough' person to call myself a Christian.  So, I gave up trying.  It is only in more recent years, that I learned that I will make the best choices if underneath it all, I want to.  I want to be obedient to my faith and Higher Power, but I ultimately, it has to be something that in my heart I strive and long for.  For example, it is important for me to be a good father for my daughter.  If I were only do the right things for her because I wanted to keep her mom off my case, eventually, I'd fail.  But, it is my goal in my heart to be the best dad for her.

I am sure if I opened this post to everyone I know or friends of friends, literally, we could write a book on the subject matter.  But, alas it is late and I have to get sleep.

In the meantime, from what I see: When desiring to make the best choices, always, always make sure the choices are yours first and foremost.  You should desire to make the best choices in your life for others involved too, but you risk failure if they are the sole reason for your choices.

Anyway, the twelve steps of AA, effectively communicate this message (focusing on step 1 and 6):

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

From: Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) 12-Step Recovery Program

Hopefully, this post proves helpful to a person or two.

-- Rich