Observations on shame: The Shame Tipping Point

I previously discussed in the "The Shame Cycle", the idea of shame operating in a vicious cycle or keeping us in a rut.  In "Shame and codependence", I discussed how shame can keep us in unhealthy relationships and/or can keep us making poor choices.  In this blog I wanted to go in a slightly different direction and expand a little bit upon what happens when shame reaches a crossroads.

I will first touch on/revisit the consequences of shame that hasn't reached a crossroad. At least as I have seen or come to appreciate it.

• Poor decisions are often made based on shame, especially hidden shame.  I've heard of couples in which the spouse--usually the husband--gets his wife a new ring, a new car, a fancy vacation, redone room or something similar in an unusual or unusually timed way.  In a sense, it is a compensation for a shame that isn't spoken of.  In some cases, it is an 'understood' payoff, in some cases it is hopeful inoculation against consequences should the shame be discovered.  Often times it is a poor financial choice that wouldn't be done in a more level-headed setting.
• Taking credit (shame-wise) for something which one shouldn't to overcompensate for known or unknown shame.  Known shame is like a poison that is purposely being bled out.  It can cause us to 'own up' to too much wrong in an attempt to bleed the poison out faster.  For example, taking sole blame for the family vacation that has gone awry can show how 'contrite' we are.  On the other hand, unknown shame is a poison that needs doesn't have an obvious outlet, especially if the unknown shame is too devastating.  The hidden outlet can end up being false humility or taking blame where not due. For example, Rep. Foley couldn't own up to his inappropriate behavior with underage pages.  So, he became the Chairman of the House Caucus on Missing and Exploited Children.  This allowed him to feel better about himself by absolving or bleed out some of his shame for his destructive (and hidden) issues without having to own up to them.  In  a sense if he helped many other children, he could atone for or bleed out the poison of his own behavior.

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But, to move back to the point at hand, often times shame reaches a crossroads or as I call it a "Shame Tipping Point" in which the dynamics of the shaming relationship or situation change dramatically.  From what I see, the "Shame Tipping Point" ultimately is a "Fight or Flight" response.  Before I go further with this I want to make a disclaimer or two:

• Some harm or injury to others is so profound--such as murder/child molesting--that it is understood that the offending party has little right to expect the offended party will ever lift the weight of shame from them.
• Flight, while it can be a self-protective tool, isn't necessarily the right or proper tool, especially if amends are proper to make or the consequences of 'flight' or too devastating.

So, let's take the "fight" response.  Say you've made poor choices along the way that have caused harm to others.  A natural response is to feel shame about it and to act 'hangdog' around the person(s) you've harmed.  There is of course value in showing contriteness and taking steps to make amends.  However, in many cases, the injured party takes it too far.  The injured party continues to use shame as a club to beat down or to extract a pound of flesh and/or concessions from the injuring party.  For example, if I bullied a sibling as a kid, yet realized as I matured how wrong that was and made attempts to make amends for it, it is realistic to expect that my sibling would eventually be forgiving.  However, as we know many times in these cases, the sibling realizes the power in holding the guilt/shame over the head of his/her 'childhood tormentor'.   The sibling will often use continually try to pay back or stick it to his/her 'tormentor' and hold them down in shame.  In other words, the sibling will actively work on shaming his/her 'childhood tormentor' At some point, if the "Shame Tipping Point" is reached, the former 'tormentor' will be pushed too far and realize that he or she is now the 'tormented'.  Once he or she realizes this, they probably will never again accept the dynamics of the relationship.  At this point, the former 'tormentor' will have regained his/her self-respect and will accept whatever consequences of taking his or her power back.

Now, let's take the 'flight' response.  Ultimately, 'flight' can either mean running away from the shameful circumstance/relationship or in worse case scenario, 'checking out' or taking his or her life.  Unfortunately, I believe for my brother Bill, he was living with unchecked 'shame demons' and he took his own life.  For the sake of discussion, I believe most of his 'shame demons' were largely not of his own making, but instead things done to or around him.  Also, I believe he was living with mostly 'illegitimate' shame--that is shame that wasn't his to accept.  But, try and tell someone in that situation that they are off in their thinking.  It's like trying drive halfway across the country in one day.  While it is not always an impossible task, most of the time you end up short of the result you are trying for.  In any case, most of the time, the flight "Shame Tipping Point" results in the other party falling into major if not total retreat.  Rightly or wrongly, when you press someone's shame button too often or too hard, the sting or hurt of the shaming instead of pushing them to change, pushes them to make themselves scarce.  The shamed person may 'deserve' the shaming--such as when they are not doing their part to help take care of an aging parent--but just because they 'deserve' it, doesn't mean they are ready to face up to it.  If they really aren't ready to face the reason for their shame, then it is more likely that they will retreat or take flight from the messenger who delivers the shaming message.

I'm not totally sure what the point of this blog was.  Perhaps it was help people see their role in uncomfortable (and potentially) shameful behaviors, situations or relationships.  If I help one person to step out of the shame cycle, to see that blindly accepting a shaming is wrong, I feel I will have succeeded with the blog.  If I help a party to understand or see the flight response in another and adjust accordingly, I will have succeeded.  After all, a famous hymnal doesn't express that "Shame is the Victory", but instead says "Faith is the Victory (that overcomes the world)".

The truth shall set you free

I've been told by a friend that I am a "truth-seeker" and I was once told that a strength of mine is a willingness to listen to the truth even when it is painful.  I feel that the friend who called me that, shares the same attribute.  Perhaps that's why we are good friends.  We at times differ in our exact conclusion--be it political or otherwise.  However, we each share a thirst for bottom line, a thirst for clarity, a thirst for accuracy.  As an aside, I felt my late brother was this way as well and wish he had known him.

For me, I usually "need to know".  When I can't know, I am bothered.  When I have just 'an answer', but my gut tells me it's not the right answer, I am bothered.  When a situation appears to be 'off', but I don't exactly know why, I am bothered.  When I sense someone is being disingenuous with me or humoring me with an answer, I am bothered.   In all these instances, especially in areas of significance, I will continue to process over time until I've come up with what I feel is the closest thing to truth that I can.  

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This 'need to know' sounds good in some ways, in some ways:

• Leads to excellent problem solving/brainstorming skills.
• Leads to more honest relationships or at least a better understanding of a relationship.
• Leads to solving issues which are vexing initially.
• Leads to some situations where the truth provides relief.

In some ways, it is very tiring:

• Leads to uncomfortable uncertainty when you don't understand or know.
• Leads to an inability to let go easily or get past a problem.
• Leads sometimes to focusing too much energy on the trees and missing the forest. 
• Leads sometimes to recognizing that  the answer is more difficult than originally thought.
• Leads sometimes to pain & a block when/where the truth is not kind.
• Leads to sometimes being a killjoy.

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When I realize something somewhat profound or a confusion/uncertainty is made clear for me, to me it is the "Spirit" flowing through me.  For some, they may call it intuition or gut feeling.  But whatever you call it, I see it as the "truth flowing through" a person.  I think each of us has a God-given ability to truth detect, but for various reasons we don't use it effectively.

• Truth can be embarrassing.  This is especially true if we've 'bought' a lie for so long.  Think Nazi Germany where they bought the Hitler's lies until they couldn't anymore.
• Truth can be painful or shameful.  If we've pumped up ourselves as being a "good person", but have made (and minimized) mistakes, it is easier to keep the lie than to own up to the mistakes.  If we can only avoid the painful/shameful truth, we don't have to face our deficiencies.
• Truth can be inconvenient.  It is easier to dismiss a problem with a simple narrative or a stereotype than to actually dig in and deal with the problem that recognizing the truth forces us to face up to.  Race relations in this country on all sides is an unfortunate example of this.
• Truth can have consequences.  Sometimes a relationship can be so broken that facing that means facing the end of the relationship.  Sometimes, owning up to a crime you've committed means facing hard time.  

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Ultimately, I think it is healthiest to live a life in which we are honest with ourselves, others and our Higher Power.  That requires the ability to be open to and be willing to accept the truth whatever the cost. However, for me there are a few things to note.

1. It is okay if we don't have all the answers to everything.  In this life we won't get a chance to know all the answers.  Besides often times while we may not get an answer to a question we have, the pursuit of that answer can lead to the answer to other questions being discovered.   In a quest to study or understand different kinds of bacteria behind viruses he was careless in handling one of his cultures.  He noticed where it grew mold, the bacteria was prevented from spreading and hence the advent of penicillin and other antibiotics.
2. Sometimes we will find or 'discover' the answers not when we want them, but when we need them.  In other words, we may have not been ready for the truth to be revealed to us just yet. In other words, it is important to be able to accept a time of uncertainty in the meantime. I think sometimes my Higher Power--God--works that way in my life.
3. If we are willing to face the truth while we may face a time of pain, we can often look back on it at a point in the future and realize it was a necessary step in our growth or healing.
4. Not everyone is ready to 'hear it like it is or 'face the truth'.  Just because you are ready to face the truth, doesn't mean any or all relevant other parties are.  Wisdom to know when to share 'the truth' is just as important as willingness to.  That doesn't have to mean being dishonest, but instead can be mean being respectful to the needs of others.  

I guess my overall takeaway out of this is to be open to the truth.  Do your best to remove your blocks from it.  Be open to the good and bad that it can bring or reveal.  

Just some thoughts post Christmas.  A time to reflect on the truth and the year that soon will be.

-- Rich

All you don't need is hate...

As I was thinking about the All you need is love... post, I had thought about a post on the hate--often portrayed as the opposite of love.  Some would say, the opposite of love is indifference, but I digress.

I thought my blog post should be on the hurt and the consequences of hate.  By that I mean personal animosity.  What lead to this post ideas was when I read and saw a story the other day about a senseless assassination of the Russian ambassador to Turkey.  To me it was another shocking reminder of the darkness in this world that is hate.  Unfortunately, I'm not immune to the poison which is hate.  When confronted such senseless and hate-filled acts of violence, if I allow it, my reaction is one of hatred and wishing horrible things toward the person who committed such a destructive act.  But, I digress...

So, what are the potential consequences of hate (not necessarily in order of importance):

• Separation from our Higher Power (God).  Like it or not, God created man in His own image.  We are God's creation.  Therefore, when we our focusing on hate towards another of God's creation, we are in effect hating what He made.  We are in effect judging Him.  The old line of thought is well if He were such a loving God why do such horrible things happen in this world.  God is no more at fault for us choosing to reject Him initially and throughout time.  He is not at fault for our fallen nature (and the consequences thereof) anymore than parents that raise their kids the right way, but there kid decides to make poor choices.  Getting back to point, when we hate others, we are effectively telling God he made a mistake and holding it against Him.  Instead we should be looking in the mirror at ourselves and our nature and see what we can contribute towards betterment in the world. 
• Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates a brother or sister is still in the darkness. (1 John 2:9)
• “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift. (Matthew 5:23-24)

• Poison in our soul.  Those who have been in a twelve step or recovery type program (and many who haven't) have heard an old saying attributed to numerous people: Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.  While our resentment or hatred might inflict damage on the other person, often times most of the damage ends up being inflicted on ourselves.  If someone at school, at work or elsewhere does (or doesn't) do something that causes us to hate them, ultimately who is hurt more if we are lying awake in bed at night hating them?  Who is hurt more if we can't focus on the things that benefit us due to our hatred?  Who is hurt more when the poison of hatred causes us stress?
• See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. (Hebrews 12:15)

• Sets a bad example.  How can teach our children to be kind, loving and considerate when we hatred emanates from our being?  We may say the right things about such matters, but our underlying tone or actions undermines the positive lessons we are trying to teach.  If we are publicly showing hatred, how can we expect others to take us seriously when we call for peace?  Appeals to the better nature of others will not tend to be fruitful if they are strangled out by hatred.
• See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. (Hebrews 12:15)

• Hate begets hate and leads to destruction within families, communities, societies and the world.  As I indicated to my daughter, I feel  that 9/11 was an extreme result of hatred festering in the heart of many.  A single act of hatred towards Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria on June 28th, 1914 set in motion a chain of events that led to the two most destructive wars in world history.  An anarchist's bullets led to ultimatums, reprisals and declarations of war starting in 1914, kicking off what we now know as WWI.  Though, open hostilities ceased on Nov. 11th, 1918 (now Veteran's Day), the resentment and hatred reared its ugly head in the 1930s again, culminating with the invasion of Poland on Sept. 1, 1939 to kick off what we now know as WWII.  A single act of hatred led to the death of countless millions.  Now, every expression of hatred will not lead to such an extreme result.  Let's just say hatred rarely starts out big and left unchecked will like a cancer grow.
• Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers over all wrongs. (Proverbs 10:12)

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Before I finish this topic matter, I want to address a few things.  

• As with most things in this world, hate is not always a bad thing.  While the bible doesn't explicitly say to "hate the sin, love the sinner", I believe it is clear that is what we are to do.  God clearly loves his creation: For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. (John 3:16)  The Bible has numerous verses which express his dislike or hatred of sin: but your iniquities have made a separation between you and your God, and your sins have hidden his face from you so that he does not hear. (Isaiah 59:2).  So, if He loves us enough to give his Son for us, but hates when we sin.  Shouldn't we show the same love?  That is, hate the behavior, but love the sinner.  That doesn't mean let poor behavior go without punishment aka justice being done, but instead not to focus your energies on the one who is making the bad choices. 
• Righteous anger is not the same thing as hatred.  In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, (Ephesians 4:26)  Clearly, God understands that there is a time and place for anger, especially if we are harmed by the sins of another.  However, he does not want us to dwell in the anger and let it become hatred. From what I see righteous anger that is left to fest can turn into hatred and animosity which is sinful in its very nature.

Ever since I was a kid, I have valued life, peace and have hated seeing people fight.  It hurts when I see my fellow man injuring or hurting another, especially when it is a kid.  However, I know in my heart that this is a fallen world and it is inevitable.  That being said, while we can't control how others behave or react, we can control how we think and act and can set a good example for our kids and our fellow man by not repaying hatred.  Once again, that doesn't mean continuously taking abuse or not defending yourself, but what it does mean is not amplifying hatred by repaying it.

- Rich

* I have said a joke for years that "I am violently opposed to violence".  However, this election year has shown me that there are people "hateful in their pursuit of opposing what they see as hatred".  To me this is the antithesis of repaying hate with love.

For an alternative take on hate where it is okay?, go to: Hated it! Is it so wrong to hate sometimes?

All you need is love...

Admit it, now you are thinking about that song.  It's contagious.  But, perhaps it's nice to think about the things that make you smile.  Today as I write this, it would be my late brother's 49th birthday.  He didn't feel loved enough.  I hope he feels it now, but perhaps in the meantime, I can show love to those still here...

I was at a Wednesday evening bible study at my church and our head minister was leading the class.  I don't remember the exact breakdown of the topic matter, we talked about different types of love.

As we know English doesn't do justice to the concept of love.  The same word is used to describe happy feelings towards ice cream vs. romantic feelings towards your significant other vs. warm/selfless feelings towards your kids, etc.  Context is everything in this regard.

I believe the ancient greeks had a good fix on the concept of love

The 7 kinds of love according to the ancient Greeks

1. Eros: Love of the body.  That is to say sexual lust or erotic love based on sexual attraction.  In other words a sort of 'tension'.  This can be an important part of a relationship, but in a healthy relationship it is just one aspect.  In an unhealthy relationship, it can be mistaken for a deeper love.  That's why it is important that this type of love is not explored at too early age as it can warp one's view of 'love'.  It can cause a focus on the body being the source of love.


2. Philia:  Love of the mind.  When you share values, disposition and interests, this type of love exists and can flourish.  This is type of love you have for a brother or a really good friend.  This can be a strong component of a healthy relationship.  Where feelings of eros towards a spouse may fade in time, philia can keep a relationship going strong.  Philadelphia is the "City of Brotherly love" and its name is partially derived from this word.


3. Ludus: Playful love.  It is child-like in nature.  Think of the joy you feel when you dance or laugh.  Think of the love that is associated with it.  It's fun love.  The way I see it this love flourishes when you have moments of "Lightness of Being".  I see this type of love being a connecting type of love in a relationship.  That is to say the type that when times are tough we can remember the good times and remember why love our spouse.  It is also is a type of love if we let go with our spouse, can break the tension.


4. Pragma: Longstanding love.  This is the highest form of love in a relationship.  It develops over time.  It is a mature love.  It is commitment or a give and take in a relationship.  It is important to build and nurture this type of love as it can come in handy when your spouse needs you.  Times such as seeing them fight cancer.   In a sense, it is a pragmatic type of love.


5. Agape: Love of the soul.  This is the type of love that God has for us and showed through Jesus.  It is love of humanity.  It is the most selfless type of love.  This is the type of love that can help us sympathize, empathize and connect with people we don't know.  I think this is why when we read or hear about a 'touching' story, it moves us.  We can related on some level.


6. Philautia: Love of the self.  It is said that before you can truly love others, you have to love yourself on some level.   So, this love has to be present to love others.  However, it has to be the right form of Philautia. This can either be a healthy regard you have for yourself--one that allows you the space to love others. Unfortunately, it can be narcissistic--which is a consuming selfish type of 'love' of yourself which doesn't allow the space to love others.  


7. Storge: Love of the child.  This is the connection or bond in which you have with your child(ren).  It is a natural sort of love.  When this love is present we forgive, accept and sacrifice.  Where pragma takes work, storge is natural.  Ultimately, I see pragma approaching storge in intensity or commitment with a lot of work and time.  I see pragma as the grown up type of storge that we would have for our spouse.  In a way, storge is what God displayed for us when He gave us His only begotten Son to atone for us.

My takeaway:  philautia or love of self has to be present to some degree to give us space for the other types of love.  But, if we have the other types appropriately present in our lives, it can help enhance our love of self.  Alternatively, if we 'love ourselves too much' aka narcissism, it can smother our ability to love others properly.  But, as I see it narcissism is not necessarily an authentic love of self, but can be a fragile 'love' of self requiring our attention to constantly feed it.  Finding the balance of self-love is I think the key to being able to show/feel/display love properly in all its forms.  And the key to finding the balance I believe is seeing ourselves as the Father sees us.

Love your spouse, your children, your fellow man, but don't forget to love yourself or don't completely indulge yourself in your own love.  

The final takeaway: On this Christmas season, I think it is important to remember to love others as the Father has loved us.  

Love,
Rich

All you don't need is hate... is a blog about the opposite idea.

The insane voice, installment 5: Way out there...

As you know from previous installments of "insane voice" theater, I believe most of us have an insane voice just waiting, begging, pleading to come out.  For some it's worse than others.  And for the worst of the lot, they are institutionalized or become writers. 😹  We know this to be true because often times when people are plied with enough alcohol we see evidence of this.

But, I digress.  I get my inspiration from various sources and my insane voice has various levels to it.  Anyway, here goes this the latest installment of "insane voice theater".

• If an institution of higher learning has an 'office of inclusion' or something similar, shouldn't it also have an 'office of exclusion' or something similar, just so each side gets equal time and equal speech?  This leads to the next point.

• If you work in customer service or deal with people and you privately say, "I hate people", does that mean your loved ones aren't people?

• I watched "Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan" and at the end, Spock does a mind melt with Bones.  He injects his living spirit into McCoy.  This is revealed by Spock's father in the Star Trek III: The Search for Spock.  Anyway, McCoy was acting a little off after this transfer occurred.  Have you ever noticed that when a pet's owner dies, the pet's behavior is off as well.  Makes you wonder.  So, I got to thinking when my spirit is on it's way to the great beyond, I will my spirit may for a bit cohabitate Simon (or Simon II, III, IV, V, etc) or whatever iteration of cat happens to be present for it.  To others, it will appear like my cat's behavior is off.  But, for me it will a great way to solve a mystery.  Namely, what's it like to be a cat.  So, to anyone I leave behind, be nice the cat friend I leave behind, I may temporarily cohabitate with my cat friend.  Bet you didn't see that coming.  HA   Anyway, leads to next point.

• If someone with a sickle, a black outfit with a hood and just a general creepy demeanor shows up and it is not Halloween and there is no costume party that you know of around, do you yell out the door, "We don't want any, go next door, the neighbors might!"?

• If you were a snowman or woman which family, friends or coworkers would you want to have as your fellow snow-people as long as the weather holds up?

• Sometimes people are said to act catty.   I wonder if in the cat community, cats belittle each other saying another cat is acting "humany".  Just saying...

• If you have a pity party, what does it become when you invite a guest?

I will leave it at Lucky Seven today.  I hope you enjoyed your time in "insane voice theater".  This is also my 100th post for this blog and is also my birthday so please celebrate it with me.

Insane voice, installment 1

Insane voice, installment 2

Insane voice, installment 3

Insane voice, installment 4

Insane voice, installment 5

Insane voice, installment 6

Insane voice, installment 7

Insane voice, installment 8

Criticism: Easier to accept from ourselves than others

I don't remember precisely how it came to me today.  However, I believe I was Spirit-led to a very concrete understanding and analogy of why we often find it easier to openly level criticism at ourselves than to accept the roughly same criticism from another.

This analogy involves a little incident I had years ago.  One day, years ago I got into an accident in stop and go traffic accident traffic.  I didn't realize how bad my brakes were until I tried to stop and wasn't able to.  But, I digress, we got a police report and they left.  My hood wouldn't shut and I had my niece in the car, so I had to find a way to get her home.  I found a cable and tied it down so I could get her home.  So, not a great 'fix' and not maybe the most stable, but still...  Anyway, I thought, I will stop at a store and get something less bulky and stronger to hold the hood down.  So, I tried that and tied the hood down again so it wouldn't slam the windshield.  As it turns out, that was a bad idea.  It held worse than the cable and slammed into the windshield shattering it.  But, I found out something I never really thought about--there is a protective film within it helping to keep it from imploding inwards into the car.

So, how does this relate to my understanding of how we deal with internal/external criticism?

• When we criticize ourselves, I think we generally keep a protective layer between the criticism and ourselves to lessen the impact or 'damage' of it. The protective layer is how we shield ourselves against the impact of our own criticism  Anyway, similarly the windshield of our car has a thin protective film in the middle to help prevent the impact of a shattered windshield from sending shards of glass into the car risking our safety.
• When another criticizes us, it can feel like the protective layer isn't there and therefore we feel the full impact of it.  It is similar to being behind glass without a protective layer.  The impact upon which like glass hurtling at us can cause us pain and injury.
• When we criticize ourselves, sometimes we are serious and sometimes we know we just have to own up to a flaw/issue, but really don't want to face the impact of it.  Point is we understand and control the impact of our self-criticism and can adjust accordingly.  Criticism from another, even sometimes from a loved one, can feel like something large hitting our windshield.  It can really catch us off-guard and give little time to prepare for the effects of it.

Ultimately, in this life, we know are flawed.  We have to brave enough to own our flaws and make changes where necessary to 'fix' them.  We also have to not allow ownership of our flaws or hearing legitimate, properly sourced and timed criticism destroy us.  Alternatively, we also have to have the wisdom to reject criticism where it is illegitimate.  In other words, not to let any sense of personal failings allow of to take ownership of what ISN'T ours.  For example righteous anger is not a flaw.

I don't claim to be the source or guide to these points or questions.  In my life, my Higher Power, God is the ultimate authority on what my failings and positives are.  It is through Him and His word that I have the wisdom to appreciate and understand these matters.

Anyway, just a little nugget that occurred to me one day when I was driving, pondering and remembered an accident/incident I had.

Cheers.

How the St. Louis Cardinals got their name: The Unauthorized Tall Tale

So, I have a special connection with my daughter Olivia and have had one for long time.  It it based on offbeat and sometimes sarcastic humor.  One of the ways I relate to her is by stories that I tell.  She has literally 100s of stuffed animals.  Many of them has a story behind them or a story within in them.  Just imagine each stuffed animal having a set of adventures told about them in a kid's book type format and that's kind of how I've related to her over time.  She's going to be 10 next year, but I think she still likes hearing me weave tales.  But, I digress.

So, I was talking about the misadventures of two of her stuffed animals today--both birds and we were talking about local sports teams and I had an epiphany.  What is the haha 'real' story behind how the St. Louis Cardinals got their name.  Let's transition to that.  Here is how it went. 

Me:  Olivia, you know how the Cardinals got their team name and mascot.

Olivia:  I dunno

Me: A long ago, in the late 1800s, when the original owner created/took ownership of the St. Louis baseball them they were deciding on a name for the team, they decided they'd name the team after a bird.  So, they set up an audition for birds to impress them.

• Bluejay - The Bluejay pranced around and tweeted and ownership thought he was pretty and thought about him, but decided against him.  So, he flew off.
• Bluebird - Similar experience to the Bluejay.
• Chicken - They decided that the chicken was annoying with its cluck.   Besides, ownership was too worried the team would be labelled as cowards if they were named "The St. Louis Chickens".
• Goose - Honked very loud and got on ownerships nerves and decided against him (as they didn't want the mascot to sound like a horn).
• Swan - They thought the swan was very pretty and graceful and they thought she would be better as part of a woman's team.   So, they saved this idea for a women's team they'd come up with.
• Pigeon - This guys audition was cut short and he was escorted out unceremoniously when he pooped on the head of the original owner.
• Oriole - They liked this bird but thought one day that bird will turn on St. Louis.  The St. Louis Browns became the Baltimore Orioles.
• Finch - They thought he was very small, very cute, and had a sweet little voice.  They save him to audition for the mascot of a children's team they might sponsor.
• Duck - They thought his loud quack was annoying and decide against him.  However, the duck had his kid--a duckling--along and he made a cute small quack and they thought that potentially he could be mascot of the youth team St. Louis started.
• Owl - They asked Mr. Owl to come up and he said, "who" and they said, "You Mr. Owl" and he said, "Who" again.  After repeating this about three or four times, they figured the owl was mocking them and tossed him out unceremoniously.  I told her it turned out okay because he was someone elses' mascot.  I didn't say "Hooters", but that's what I was thinking.
• Chickenhawk - The chickenhawk was about ready to step in to be judged but saw the chicken and went nuts trying to chase after it.  Needless to say, he got thrown out".
• Flamingo - They thought she was pretty, but the team didn't like its pink color (as they were very traditional men) and they decided to let the flamingo try out for a further woman's baseball team.
• Penguin - Waddled around and made noise.  They didn't think he was dignified enough.
• Turkey - Ownership couldn't take seriously a mascot whom we ate every Thanksgiving.
• Peacock - They thought that he was too flashy and distracting for the team.
• Vulture - He mistakenly thought if he just snatched up and ate the other birds, they'd have to pick him.  Ownership would have started with a new animal, but he didn't know that.  Anyway, unfortunately for him, the original owner was an avid hunter and when the Vulture tried to kill his competition, the owner shot him (and later had him stuffed).  Big mistake for the vulture.
• Dove - The loved her voice and though she was very pretty and graceful.  They decided that she should try out for a future woman's baseball team.
• Bald Eagle - They told him that since his people were already the national animal, it'd be silly to have him also be the St. Louis team mascot.
• Hawk - Once again this bird decided to go after another.  He liked the taste of Finch.  So, when he made moves toward him, they reminded him what happened to the vulture.  Needless to say, the audition for the hawk ended abruptly.
• Parrot - They got annoyed with him when he kept repeating everything the mascot search committee said.  Needless to say, they threw him out.
• Woodpecker - They had to escort him away when he attacked the team's wood bats.

Me: Are we leaving out any birds.

Olivia: Emu

Me: Yeah, with their grunting and hissing they didn't think he'd be family friendly.  Any others we are missing.

Olivia: Ostrich

Me: Yeah, they got annoyed with him when he hid his head in the ground when he was called and wouldn't come out.  They yanked him out of the ground and threw him out.

Me: The search team was ready to just move to a different type of animal when out of nowhere flew in a Cardinal who didn't know about the audition, but was fascinated by the collection of birds.  He landed on the bat and started chirping.  The owner loved how natural he was acting, he loved how pretty he was, and thought the bird on the bat would make a perfect logo pictures and thus the team name and mascot were born for "The St. Louis Cardinals".  Needless to say, the other birds that knew about the audition and countless hours practicing were mad as the Cardinal for just showing up with little practice   She agreed and said that most of them got behind the team.

Anyway, Olivia went along with this agreed with the reasons why they pass on or threw out the other birds and liked why the Cardinal was selected.

Anyway, this is just one but a number of stories I tell/make up to my daughter.  I figure, either this will result in me writing a kid's book one day or her thinking I'm absolutely nuts.  Oh well, the things we do for love.  The tales we tell to amuse.

-- Rich