Honor vs. Duty vs. Checking off a Box

I was talking to a friend recently about family.  We came to the determination that sometimes a family's engagement with each other is colored by their faith or beliefs to the extent that they feel compelled to interact with each other.  The idea being that if certain members had their druthers they would pretty well ignore the others.  In other words since the "Good Book" says "honor thy father and mother" and the like, certain family members will humor the others out of a sense of "following the rules".   In other words, in order to be a "proper" Christian, Catholic, or whatever, you should be 'good' to family, even if it is just effectively for show.

We talked it about in terms of honor vs. duty, when I think what we really were considering was a third idea.  That is, checking off a box to their Higher Power or others they want to please.  The box says 'I did what I was supposed to' or 'I made an effort'.  Below, I will explore each of these concepts.

HONOR

• From the Army's website, https://www.army.mil/values/, Honor is a matter of carrying out, acting, and living the values of respect, duty, loyalty, selfless service, integrity and personal courage in everything you do. I believe this is commonly how people see it.
• Essentially, it is doing the right thing because you know it is the right thing to do.  That is to say, you wish to live a life of respect and purpose.  Respect not just for our Higher Power & others, but respect for yourself.  
• I see it as doing what you know is right and not looking back or second guessing, you just do (often without even pausing to think about it).
• Many people join the military or otherwise take professions in which they put their life on the line due to a sense of honor.  They feel like they are meant to help others, it is their purpose.
• I buried my mom, my dad & my immediate older brother out of a sense of honor.  The family needed someone who would make sure each was done right in their final journey.  This included planning & preparing for their memorials/funerals, giving them a respectful eulogy, directing obituaries & making sure that where a shortfall occurred that the funds necessary would be provided to make all of this happen.  It was very draining and it sure wasn't any fun.  But for me, I knew taking care of them and those left behind in those moments was just what needed to be done, period.

DUTY 

• The English Oxford Living Dictionaries first definition of duty is as follows: A moral or legal obligation; a responsibility.
• I separate it from honor, because I see duty as something that is often done because there is a requirement to do it.  Meaning, while you respect the legal or moral requirement to do it, there may not be a greater sense of purpose or 'honor' that goes along with doing your 'duty'.
• While doing something out of duty may not be as noble of doing it out of honor, there is a certain level of respect that is earned for doing someone who does out of duty.  While it may not be as profound as the respect earned for doing something out of honor, it still deserves respect.
• For me, duty might be making sure your child is properly clothed, fed, educated and kept warm and safe.  It could also be making sure you do your best to do your job well.  In other words, doing the things that we are supposed to, even when we are feeling tired or short on enthusiasm.

CHECKING OFF A BOX

• To me duty implies a sincerity of purpose.  I made this category to cover when we are doing something because we believe it is expected of us, because it will 'look good' or because we have this moral 'law-based' obligation to do it.  When we do something based on any of those, we are hollow inside about it.  In short, we are insincere about purpose and/or are going through the motions.
• An extreme case of this is illustrated in the Bible.  In Matthew 23:1-12, Jesus condemned the Pharisees as zealots who would tie heavy, law-based loads onto those they led and make a show of 'observing the law' when in reality at best they were observing the letter of the law, but not the spirit of it.  They would often display their 'piety' publicly for show, while privately having no little or no piety.  They'd rationalize that they were set because they 'followed the rules'.
• Sometimes, we have to check off a box when the rules or regulations or restrictions are so ridiculous that we are forced to jump through hoops (such as when starting a business).  However, what I am meaning is our personal actions being dictated by a need to make ourselves feel better (rationalize) or to appear proper.  An example of this is inviting nearby family over once a year on the holidays because our 'faith' tells us to love each other.  Yet, the balance of the year is spent ignoring them.  To me, that's not family, getting together with people because you are related to them.

I'm not sure what the takeaway from this particular blog is except this: Not everything we do in our lives is out of honor.  Many of our actions are done out of duty and there is plenty to be celebrated there as many do not even meet the basics of that.  However, I believe if our personal actions are largely dictated by the need to 'check off a box', then it is time we reexamine our lives.  That may mean stopping the insincere parts of our lives (such as pretending to be a friend, when we don't want to be one) OR adjusting our frame of mind (respecting that God gave us family and even if they aren't perfect learning to appreciate the gift of family he gave us).

I know this seems like a bit of a judgmental blog, but when often times when I write, I write with a mirror in hand to examine where I can improve or meet  the ideals I espouse.  After considering a little, I guess my secondary takeaway is to be honest with yourself and what animates your action(s).  Only by reflection can we improve.

Thanks for reading and I hope to post again soon.

-- Rich

I believe Eric Clapton honored the memory of his son with this song.  This was a love song to his son who passed way too soon.  This song often brings tears to my eyes listening to it.

The insane voice, installment 7: The contrarian.

As I've went from childhood to adulthood, my life was animated by questioning everything.  I've always been a truth-seeker.  But, part of being a truth-seeker to me is asking the questions that no one else asks.  That is, the what ifs.  In that vein, I like to think of my self as a contrarian.  Sometimes that comes out as "the devil's advocate", sometimes that comes out as sarcasm and sometimes it comes out as "out there".  I will let you determine which category each of these thoughts fall into.  In the meantime, please enjoy the Installment 7 of "The Insane Voice".

1) One time I was reading through an Entertainment coupon book and noticed that some of the coupons said "Enjoy a free such and such with the purchase of a such and such".  It occurred to me that the vendor/store in the Entertainment book was kind of bossing me around.  It wasn't like "we hope you enjoy" or "Have a free" or anything like that, but instead almost a demand that I enjoy the free such and such.  I one time while using a coupon at the store, said to them, "What happens if I decide to get the free one, but not enjoy it?"  They were left speechless.  I believe I won that encounter.  HA

2) While at physical therapy the other day, U2 was playing, "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" and you know how serious and preachy Bono is.  It occurred to me, "Has he found what he's looking for yet?" and "Isn't 30 years long enough to find it?" and "If you can't find what your looking for, isn't it just time to shut up and give it a rest?"

3) So, we all know about the "Little Boy Who Cried Wolf".  But, who have has given thought to the "Wolf Who Cried Little Boy"?   Didn't see that coming did ya?  Anyway, I figure his fellow wolves probably get sick of him crying "little boy" and them coming to discover there was no little boy out there to chase after.  Finally one day after they'd had enough he legitimately cried, "little boy" and they ignored him,  So, he went after the little boy without the others having his back and got a beatdown from the little boy, thereby teaching him not to cry "little boy" recklessly.

4) The song "Black Widow" by Iggy Izalea, she sing the line "I'm going to love ya until you hate me".  It occurred to me, what if it was turned around: "I'm going to hate ya until you love me. Would the song be called "Loveable Jerk"?

5) So one time I saw a clerk name "Mary" at Walgreens and I was in a particularly goofy mood and asked her, "Why you always gotta be so contrary?"  As if not missing a beat, Mary the clerk said, "Well someone's gotta be".  Suffice to say, clerk Mary won that match.  BOO

6) I may have mentioned this before.  But when my dad was dying and my old minister visited him in the hospital with me, we were at the elevator and I said to him, "How long have you been practicing" in relation to his time in the minister.  It was 20-something years if I recall.  So, it occurred to me and I posed this to him:  "If practice makes perfect and you've been practicing for a long time, does that mean that you're perfect?"  He gave his, "yeah wise guy" type smile and said, "It doesn't exactly work that way."  Good comeback.

7) I recently went to subway to pick up food for the family and noticed a sign on the door: "Now Hiring Great People" and something occurred to me. Does that mean they used to hire lousy people?  I went in and asked and they laughed.  I said, no offense to you guys, they probably already got rid of the lousy ones.

8) If men are from Mars and women are from Venus, where are those who have gender identity confusion from?  I will leave that one right there and if you find this rude, just remember I didn't put the rude thought in your mind that you are thinking right now.   ^..^ 

On that note, I will bid you all a fond farewell.  Adios, goodbye, cya, ciao, bon voyage and so on and so forth...  Until next time.

Insane voice, installment 1

Insane voice, installment 2

Insane voice, installment 3

Insane voice, installment 4

Insane voice, installment 5

Insane voice, installment 6

Insane voice, installment 7

Insane voice, installment 8

The insane voice, installment 6: How rude (caution ahead).

I got the idea for this blog post upon seeing someone expressing on Facebook that they were watching a movie.  Anyway, I've seen (and heard about) people give their life story--even parts I'd rather not know.  So, it my insane voice told me to write a blog based on rude thoughts.

--

1) As I mentioned, the status updates people post on Facebook make me half wonder if one day people will start posting on a regular basis things like: "Using the can", "finished using the can", "belching & passing gas", "making out now", etc.  As we all need to remember, just because it is happening in our lives at this moment, DOESN'T mean that the world needs to be made aware of it.


2) On a local commercial for a frozen custard hangout called Ted Drewes.  The now owner, Ted Drewes Jr., is famous for talking up the his store/creations within commercials.  Anyway, he used to end the commercials by saying, "It really is good guys".  It has been changed to "It really is good guys and gals".  So, it occurred to me in today's day and age, that sounds old fashion.  I wonder if one day he might say, "It really is good guys and gals and pre-op and post-op transgendered people and inner city folks & rednecks from the middle of nowhere and same sex oriented and homophobes...".  I will stop right there and you can add your own additions to it.  Suffice to say, in an attempt to include all, he could easily offend certain elements or groups of our society by pointing them out or not including them.  Anyway, he's probably best just leaving at "guys and gals", even if it sounds old-fashion for some.


3) If a Siamese cat singles out and attacks a Black cat or vice versa are they exhibiting unconstitutionally discriminatory or racist behavior?


4) Speaking of said Siamese cat, I remembered that my Saimese cat has a birthday that is coming up soon.  However, his birthday is the same date as the anniversary of my first marriage.  So, I thought sarcastically hmm, I wonder if I should get my ex a gift for that date.  Soon thereafter, an idea came about: Happy Unanniversary.  It's a tradition that should be a part of every divorce settlement--except ones due to domestic violence or such.   On the date that would have been your next anniversary after the divorce, each party should be required in the settlement to get the other party a gift.  On the anniversary of the divorce, each party is required to take back the gift.  A few stipulations however:

• The amount of the gift each one gives can be negotiated in the settlement, but it has to be a legitimate gift with significant value, not say ramen noodles or a fruitcake.
• The gift must be a gift the other party likes.  It cannot be a gift you like and look forward to getting back.  
• The gifts cannot be one that could be used up before returning it or lose all value before returning it.  
• Each party must submit in writing a extensive list of possible gifts that they want and there cannot be common gifts between the two parties.  Once again, the party that gets back the gift on the divorce date should not be rewarded with something he or she likes.
• You cannot regift the same gift in a subsequent year.
• An meditator will review the lists to make sure they follow all these rules. 
• Breaking these rules could result in a significant fine or penalty.

You get divorced on say February 2nd.  Your anniversary would have been May 12th.  On May 12th, each party is required to meet with a common witness and trade a wrapped gift.  The gifts must be unwrapped in front of each other and a notary witness and sign for.   On the following February 2nd, you must meet and before a notary witness and return the gift and sign that you returned it.   February 2nd is Happy Unannivesary Day for you.  It is the date in which you get to feel the loss every year.  Originally, the idea was poking fun at an old anniversary and how they aren't celebrated, but after thinking about it and mentioning it to a few people, they thought it could actually be a good teaching moment.  The idea was illustrating to you that you destroyed, lost or gave away something that was once valuable to you (a marriage).  Every Unannivesary Date would be a reminder to you not to throw away relationships (particularly marriages).  Something that would make you think of importance of working on relationships especially if you hoped to get married again. It would also be a way of having to face the reality of divorce on a yearly basis.  If you were divorced multiple times, then it could be a very expensive and painful lesson.  Now, in an abusive relationship that could be cruel, so an exception would be made.  But, in a "we just drifted apart" or whatever relationship, that could be very instructive.  One final note on this: the inventor of this idea---me--would get a lifetime exemption from this process.  Hey, it was my idea.

--

That last idea was a bit more involved than I thought, so I will leave it there.  I hope you enjoyed this installment of "The Insane Voice" and will come back for me.

Cheers,
Rich

Insane voice, installment 1

Insane voice, installment 2

Insane voice, installment 3

Insane voice, installment 4

Insane voice, installment 5

Insane voice, installment 6

Insane voice, installment 7

Insane voice, installment 8

How to avoid winning an argument but losing the battle

Also known as how not to win over others.  I've been known to read and post opinions on sports, political and other forums.  I've observed a few things on debating and trying to win others over to your point of view.  Now, I don't expect everyone who reads this to necessarily agree with me, but I'm trying to feed others with food for thought.

--

• Try if possible to find common ground with others.
• That doesn't mean conceding or selling out on your core values.
• What it does mean is offering others an opportunity to be right.  
• Reasonable people can accept not being right all the time, but
• Reasonable people will rebel against you if they perceive that you are always labeling wrong or attacking them.  A person may be completely wrong on a point, but if he or she feels under attack, they are more likely to double down on the point.  Pride kicks in--they'd rather stick to their guns than accept or tolerate being attacked.
• If offers others the chance to see you as being 'reasonable', but possibly 'misguided' on some issues. This will at least keep them listening to you.  As long as they are listening to you (and not just hearing you), you still have a chance to win them over.
• If those who you are debating meet your good faith efforts with scorn, derision or ridicule, chances are they weren't open to being reasonable anyways.  But, at least you know not to waste more time engaging them. 

• If others tries to drag the debate or argument into the mud, don't go there with them.
• Ad hominem or personal attacks may for a moment make you feel better especially if the others are attacking you.
• If the other party is stuck on stupid or rude, it isn't like attacking them will suddenly correct their ignorance or silence their rudeness.
• It is demeaning to you and your better self.  You can do better than that.
• They may turn off others who are undecided about your point of view.
• They may be more skilled than you rolling in the mud metaphorically.  The saying, "Never argue with an idiot.  They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience" hold true here.
• If you maintain your composure and rhetorically destroy their arguments, you may not 'prevail' vs. whom you are debating/arguing with.  However, you might win points with witnesses to the debate/discussion.  People respect an intelligent person who can effectively argue and who doesn't get stuck rolling around in the mud.

• Pick your battles wisely.
• You have to know when a point is not worth fighting for.
• The point is not important or significant to the larger argument.  It would be like a salesman quibbling over $50 on a $20,000 and risking the entire sale. 
• Time/effort spent on an insignificant point is better spent on a substantive point.  Like being penny-wise and pound foolish.
• If an adversary sees you getting stuck on the smaller point, he or she might get the idea to clutter up the argument with smaller points as a way of sidelining you in the larger argument. 
• If others see you get stuck on 'winning' an insignificant point, they may lose interest or patience with your overall point or argument.   
• You have to know when a point is worth fighting for.
• It can be a seemingly insignificant point.
• But if it is the first real battle or point, conceding too much on it can set a bad precedent.  For example, if you let your child roll you when he or she is young, he or she might get the impression that they can always roll you.
• It may seem small in and of itself, but like the fabled butterfly effect, that point may end up being larger in the bigger picture.  For example, if you allow yourself to be bullied by family or a panhandler into giving him a few dollars once, everytime you see him, they may harass you for money everytime you see them and each time it may be more and more money.
• It is clearly a major point that will have obvious and larger/longer-term implications.  Debating the wisdom of a given tax policy is a good example of this.  If you tax too little, you may not have enough to cover basic services.  If you tax too much, you may discourage people frrom working as hard or trying to start a business.

It is always best to find common ground where possible when dealing with others, but sometimes it is impossible.  It is important however to recognize if what you are fighting for or over is worth it or not.  Don't risk dying on a hill when the larger mountainside is ready to be scaled.  Just as importantly, it is important to not get drawn into an emotional argument where it can be nearly impossible to 'come out on top'.  Whatever you do howeve, don't expect you'll convince many people to conceded their point by attacking or humiliating them.  At the point where an argument or debate gets personal, you've probably already lost the ability to change minds.  But, if you don't care at least be clever in your 'attacks'.  If you are clever enough in your 'attacks', you stand at least a little chance of respect for using your intelligence.

The big takeaway is to keep the larger battle in mind when 'fighting' over a smaller point.

Grief doesn't care what is proper, part 2

As I noted in the blog post Grief doesn't care what is proper, part 1, grief like love exists independent of what society thinks is proper or approves of.  The focus of the first part was grief's look or form and society's timetable on grief.

As we know, we grieve how and on what timetable our soul 'tells' us to.  Now we may outwardly conform to societal expectations, but inwardly the grief remains and needs to be expressed.

In part 2 of this blog concept, I will explore the 'whom' questions of grief.  That is to say, who are expected or not expected to grieve for and whom we are allowed or not allowed to grieve for.

• Expectations on whom to grieve for
• We are expected to grieve for our family.
• We are our expected to grieve for our friends. 
• Our friendships are typically our choice and therefore it makes sense that we'd openly and obviously grieve for them--and we typically do. But, there are a few exceptions in which we don't.
• If it is a 'friend' that we effectively fell out of touch with and/or had a falling out with years ago, we have may have already done our grieving for them and therefore have little to show when they pass.
• If it is 'friend of a friend' or a 'group friend', we may be sad for those closer to him or her, but we may not feel so much grief.  It's not that we don't care, it's just that we may not have the connection required to feel a huge loss and truly grieve for him or her.
• We are expected to grieve for coworkers.
• It really depends in this situation.
• If they were someone we worked around, but didn't really know, we might be stunned or feel bad for their loved ones, but we might not fells the loss too much by their passing as we didn't have much of a connection.
• If they were someone we worked closely around and got to know, their passing might really stun or upset us. It is like losing 'work family' or 'work friends' in this case.
• We are usually not expected to grieve for strangers.
• Most of the time we don't grieve for them.
• Sometimes we might think the story on a stranger's passing is sad, but we can't personally relate to them and therefore it's hard to have feelings that aren't there.
• Sometimes we do grieve for strangers.
• Sometimes we can relate and their stories hit home such as the tragic loss of a child.
• Sometimes with famous people, we may not really have known them, but they represented something to us: a loss of a childhood memory (Carrie Fisher aka Princess Leia), a loss of an ideal (JFK or famous musician), or something similar or loss of security (9/11 or the death of a police officer).

• Whom you are allowed to grieve for
• Family - Most of the time you are allowed to grieve for them.
• Friends/relationship - In most cases, you are allowed to grieve for them.
• Coworkers - Sometimes you are allowed to grieve for them.
• Sometimes their passing is openly discussed and acknowledged at work.
• Sometimes their family and/or coworkers invite you to be part of the grieving process.
• Neighbors - Sometimes you are close to them and are allowed to part of the grieving process.

• Whom you are not allowed to grieve for.
• Family - There are occasions when you are not allowed to grieve for family. 
• Examples include:
• When one parent keeps the kids from the other parent.
• When you are kept from the grieving process of a member that is outside the immediate family such as a grandparent, aunt, etc.
• Those who exclude in the grieving process often do it in a misguided attempt to protect us, a lack of realization of our needs or in a way of hurting us or sticking it to the one who passed.
• Unfortunately, sometimes the grieving process can bring out the worst in family and IF ALLOWED can become an opportunity to settle scores.
• Friends/Unapproved Relationships - Sometimes those left behind don't include us in the process.
• It may be due to an oversight or lack of understanding of our importance in the life of the one that passed.
• It may be due to them wanting the keep the process private.
• It may be due to them not approving of our role in the life of the one that passed.
• Whatever the reason, it can feel like a cruel rejection.
• Coworkers - Sometimes you are not allowed to effectively grieve for them.
• Some work environments do not effectively acknowledge the passing of coworkers.
• The family of your coworkers have a private process and/or don't think to include us.
• Sometimes, if we are close enough to our coworkers, we just need a way to grieve them when they pass.
• Neighbors - Sometimes we find out a neighbor passed away by hearing it from another neighbor. I believe we rarely are included in the grieving process of a neighbor by those left behind.

Closing out this blog post, I will circle back to love, they way I see it grief is a extension or expression of love.  If we truly didn't care about someone, then their loss not affect us grief-wise.  The fact that we hurt really does shows that we had a love or concern or care for the one that passed.  It maybe what they represented, but still it is a form of love.  Just like love, we may be denied the opportunity to effectively express grief, but that erase its existence.  

My takeaway is this, we usually the opportunity to express grief like we need.  However, this is not always the case.  In any case, when do not have the opportunity to express grief in the manner, timing, way we need to, it is important recognize the need that remains and find effective and healthy outlets to express it.

See: Grief doesn't care what is proper, part 1.

(the version of this song that I discovered it to)

Grief doesn't care what is proper, part 1

I wrote a bit about this subject in a previous blog called Letting go and letting God - The timing and art of letting go. I had touched upon many aspects of loss and grief including what is socially acceptable grief.  So, I'm not going to visit it here too much except to expand upon that point.

I believe society seems to have certain expectations for grief.

• What grief is suppose to look like.  That is the form it is suppose to take.
• What is an appropriate amount of time to grieve
• The people you are or are not expected to grieve for.
• Whom you are allowed to grieve for.
• Whom you are not allowed to grieve for.

When we break or don't follow those expectations, we can risk rejection, scorn or worse.  But, I've discovered over time that grief is a strange beast.  It will follow its own rules and will ultimately bow to no one.  Now, we can sometimes be shamed into how and when we show it or don't show it, but ultimately that is just window dressing the hide what our soul feels.

Let me break down what I see as aspects of grief.  I will touch on what I see as society's expectations for grief (and in some cases how we deviate from it)

• Grief's appearance or form.
• What many have been taught that grief is suppose to look like.
• Deep sadness
• Crying
• Serious demeanor.
• What it can look like.
• Relief 
• Suffering has ended for someone who had been long suffering.
• That we are no longer required to watch helplessly while they suffer.
• Our fear of being hurt by them is finally over.
• Anger at others 
• People let the one we are grieving down.  That people weren't there for our loved one in time of his/her need.
• Higher Power seems to have let us down by allowing our loved one to pass for seemingly no good reason.
• Anger - If they have left behind a messy circumstance for us to clean up or deal with or they didn't take care of themselves 
• That they were careless or reckless in their lifestyle.
• That they recklessly did not account for their own needs.  Not preparing for an eventuality. 
• That they neglected those whom they left behind.
• Didn't make proper preparations for dependents/survivor needs.
• They were more focused on their own reckless behavior than emotional and financial needs of those left behind.
• Humor 
• Laughter - That may seems inappropriate, but is really our way of coping with a circumstance that is so intense.
• Sarcasm - If the person we are 'mourning' for has mistreated us for a long time, it may be hard to feel much besides it. 
• Emptiness/Numbness
• Loss is too profound to accept or to have sink in.
• We are focused on survival after the loss.

• Timetable of grief
• Immediate timetable
• We are supposed to have it all packaged and delivered in a week or less in some cases and be back to work.  That is make arrangements, pull together a funeral and move as if nothing I had to do this with each parent.  Arranged/buried and back to work.
• In some cases, we are allowed more time, but we still have to pull it together in a few months at best and be productive.
• Family and friends allow us to be sad or upset.  If it is a child, we are given more time to openly and painfully weep/mourn.
• This is the time when those around us will offer to help the most as it is fresh in everyone's mind.
• The near term past immediacy.
• In most cases, we are supposed to have put the lost behind us and have moved on in our daily lives and be productive.
• Many/most people will start to shut off listening to or wanting to hear about our grief. 
• They don't know what to say, especially if they haven't been hit by it.
• They have their own stresses as well.
• Usually, they will be polite about it and 'listen' anyway.
• Counseling is accepted in this term.
• Longer term (year or two)
• Willingness to listen to our grief becomes rarer and rarer, especially from those who aren't close to us, but even with those who are close to us.  Losing a child is a situation which we are probably allowed more leeway on being listened to.
• Counseling is accepted in this term, but we are expected to be well on our way to coming to terms with the loss.
• Our daily lives are not expected to be impacted, no matter how we may feel on a given date about our loss.  Anniversary of a death is a big deal to us, but to our employer for example, they don't expect any impact.
• Long-term (years)
• We are expected to have adjusted, coped, or have come to terms.
• Most people have tuned out our grief by this point and may even tell you that it's time to move on.  They may 'humor' it if they aren't burnt out on it if it is the loss of a close family member.

This is a heavy read, so I will continue this blog post in another part to be published.  But for today, I will leave with this thought, if we try to deny grief its proper role in our lives, I believe grief will punish us in another form, often in an addictive form such as alcoholism. Until later (probably tomorrow)...

See: Grief doesn't care what is proper, part 2

The original recorded version of this song.

Cats as BFFs

My cat Simon is starting to get up there in years.  He's working on 12 years old and I guess a part of me realizes that he won't be around forever.  Anyway, I usually write serious blog posts, but I felt it was the right time for a lighter one.  

When you hear the phrase "man's best friend", usually the mental picture of a dog comes to mind, but I contend that cats can be like a best friend of sorts too.  Everyone's experience may differ, but I've come to appreciate my Simon (aka Simie).  I call him my "crazy Asian" as he is Siamese; he probably calls me a his "crazy American".  Anyway, I will list some things about him that I know make him a BFF.

Simon

• Whatever else he does gravitates towards me when I go to bed.  No he might get up and want to leave the room and then come back, but you know at the end of the day, I can count on a visit from my cat BFF.  When I was having problems with my now ex, he would always end up with me at the end of the night and not her.  That's loyalty.
• When I am sad or not feeling well, he tends to gravitate towards me.  I am vain enough to think it is because he likes me and maybe the silly cat does, but it could be because I humor and/or feed him.  He won't necessarily admit it, but he thinks I'm an alright cat owner.
• When I call him by name, he turns and faces me.  When I'm talking, he tends to look intently at me and listen.  I don't always know what he is thinking.  Perhaps he likes the "fatherly" voice. Perhaps he sees me as his pet as well.  I dunno, but its flattering to know that I can always count on him to listen.
• He makes sure to wake me up for work--when he's hungry (and not always nicely).  But he makes an excellent alarm.
• We talk.  Sometimes it is just a nonverbal watching each other.  Sometimes it is me calling him and him meowing.  Either way, it's nice to hear from or see my fuzzball friend.
• He makes a nice stuffed animal that purrs.  Even grownups sometimes need that positive feedback.
• He abuses me at times and I abuse him.  Now nothing says a healthy friendship like mutually abusive behavior.  ^..^
• He is the one constant that I could count on for the past 12 years.  That means something.  Having a friend around to greet you at some point every days is kind of cool.
• He is funny.  He schemes to steal food.  He took a blueberry muffin from my teenage stepdaughter.  She hadn't sized him up yet, but he'd sized her up and figured the muffin was his.  I had to laugh at his devious intuitive genius.  He's had numerous misadventures like that.  A BFF will be someone who makes you laugh.

Cats may not wag their tale at you waiting to be petted, may not retrieve a ball that you throw them or may not always obey your commands, but that doesn't make them less of a friend.  It just makes them different (and in some ways more honest a friend).

I know he can't read, but if I he could I'd want him to know I wouldn't trade my furry best friend for anything.  I'd rather have his honest (and occasionally abusive) behavior than straight obedience.  

- Rich (aka Simon's Person)